my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize