she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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