You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
