I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
