Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
