I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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