We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
