i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
