New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize