By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
