I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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