I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Bring me that man meat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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