whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
