My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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