You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ok first of all what the fuck
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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