I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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