her vagine was all disorganized.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
