he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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