Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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