I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
