dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
