i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize