you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
