ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
