Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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