That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize