WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
