haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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