I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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