I'm jealous of your bromance
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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