I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
