Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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