I need help removing her.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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