Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
