Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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