All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
