Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
