My room smells like vodka and shame
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
