Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
