found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
