Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
