I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
