It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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