I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
