I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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