I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
