Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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