it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize