I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
