I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
