If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im six kinds of drunk right now
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize