i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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