ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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