how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
