i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
