girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
