My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
