i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
