I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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