I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
