I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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