it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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