I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
