whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
