sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
