Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
