And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
