would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
