i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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