I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
