My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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