Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
