hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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