so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
