Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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