Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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