hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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