Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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