Michael Bay diarrhea
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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