I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
organizing the empties. That sober.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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