theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
