Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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