I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
