i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
